I've grown

I stumbled upon 'one of my journals' the other day (you know how some of us have tons of them). Actually this is a special one cuz it's or was my spiritual journal. Anyway, I was flipping through it and I came across a newspaper cutting entitled Please God, let it be me which, was stuck on one of the pages.

Here' s one of the excerpts from the article:
Always the first one with his hands out-stretched when the teacher decides on exercising some student participation in the classroom. Always the first one with highly-thought-provoking-yet-has-no-immediate-relevance answer in a friendly discussion among friends. Without fail, the one who has the overwhelming need to shower advice even when advice is not sought after or needed for the most part... And first and foremost, the town crier when it comes to making himself heard on all accounts.. and at all costs.

All of us have bumped into 'them' at least once. Some are able to tolerate 'them', others not so able. The thing is though, everyone is screaming for attention in this self-centered world, to stand out among the rest, to be the most unique rose among the many roses.
"Was I one of 'them'? I mean, isn't that why I pasted the article in my journal? It must have been me.. right?".
Well, not quite like that. I'm more of a 'background' person, the follower instead of the followed.

Another excerpt from the article which I highlighted:
We all want to have that moment of our lives, that fifteen minutes of Warhol's time. Even when we resound to smacking our lips with a thousand flushes of lipstick hoping for that moment when our plain old self will be elevated to that divine pedestal of beauty or when we struggle to lift that final dumbbell for that umpteenth rep, we want that moment to come while we are still young and able.
And if it doesn't, we will still press on with the heavenly benefits of facelifts, liposuction and that all-endearing doctorate or charitable foundation to make ourselves feel and think we are, in fact, special in every way.
One does not have to conduct himself in a particular way to afford such treatment nor do we have to bend over backwards to find assurance from others that we are indeed unique in their eyes because in truth, the only assurance we need to know is that we are hardly special, least of all in their eyes.

Obviously ! Everyone's so wrapped up in their little world they hardly have time to think of anyone but themselves. And even if you do get the attention, it's because they are threatened by you. And thus, the desire to compete with you, to outshine you.
It doesn't matter how we go about doing it, as long as we know that we are different from the masses.
I apologise for sounding like a bitch.
I hate that I was one of 'them', not so much of competing with others but the quiet one who also wants her minute of being 'noticed'. I despised myself.

But I thank God, for 'the few' who aren't like this.
For those who are humble.
For those who are compassionate.
For those who put others before themselves.
For those who are confident and secure, be it in God or themselves.

Truthfully, I was quite surprise with myself after reading the article.
I went like, "That was me... ?".

I thank God, for 'the few' that bumped into my life.
I thank God for removing the veil from my eyes.
And most importantly, I thank God for shaping me to be the woman I am today.

As much as I hate acknowledging it, I was that girl, the one who hid in the shadows praying for the torch to shine on her, just once.
But I've grown...



~ Matthew 6:1-4 ~