patiently i will wait...

The End.






Hello Sunshine!

escape...

untitled

"Ladies:::This is the best quote ever!" -The Heart box

(via @RevRunWisdom)

I initially posted the above quote as a standalone, with no title (because I struggled to come up with an appropriate one). But something about it was bugging me, so I took it down.

Now that I have the time, I shall speak my thoughts.


See, when I first read the quote, I felt good about myself. And whilst it served that purpose, it also didn't sit right with me.

Sure it makes us feel better about ourselves because:
#1 it is true, sometimes we do wonder if there's something wrong with us
#2 it plays up our 'ego'(so to speak) by implying that we deserve someone extraordinary, hence the wait. *Tsk...

All that mambo-jumbo, I'm perfectly okay with.
What I completely disagree with, is the 'rotten' bit.

Thing is, I take offense that this Mr.PeteWentz coined the 'easy' ones as rotten.
NO ONE in this world is rotten, you fool!

Have you maybe considered that the ones you call 'easy' have their reasons for being attached?
Whether good or bad, it is not for you to judge.

Mr.Wentz, how do you think these girls would feel upon reading your quote?
How is it encouraging when you lift someone up at the expense of another?
You know, that just spells I.N.S.E.C.U.R.E.

Bottom line- totally wrong to use an apple tree as a metaphor if you're gonna compare 'good' apples with 'rotten' apples.


And Mr.RevRunDMC, as much as I respect you, you really should be mindful of the things you say and post. You are afterall a reverend, yes? Although this may sound cheesy, I feel it applies to you-

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Onward

Things I learn (more CrossFit talk)

Having been ill the past few days, I took a break from running and only went to PM last Friday and Saturday. Since I already rested for two days, I decided that a flu was just a flu and went ahead with today's workout. Deadlifts are kinda my favourite afterall.

WOD - 5 rounds for time of:
15 Deadlifts @40kg
15 Box Jumps @18"





Today's Lesson:
When you're sick and have yet to FULLY recover, your strength diminishes, fast!
You'll be left feeling weak and frail wondering what the hell it was that sucked the energy out of you so quickly.

THAT, was me, going into my second round.
"Are you kidding me?!??! This can't be right, right?!?!?? I mean, I should be able to do this.
That was until I remembered why-
Influenza = Bad = Sick body

My back was rounded and I was using more arms than legs to lift. On top of that, my head spun at every box jump. I called out 'time' after completing three rounds. I didn't want to continue lest I injure myself, which is worse (depending on the injury) as the recovery time can be a b*tch.
Surely am not going to risk that.

Time: 13+ mins (3R)

While I rested and watched the others complete their rounds, I became quite upset with myself. I felt I should've just pushed through until the end. I could just do one rep at a time. Who cares about time as long as I complete my workout- slow and steady.

As I was sulking at the corner, my partner David asked how I was. And me being me, unable to contain my feelings, told him that I was pretty upset about not finishing. And him being the darling that he is, told me that it was okay... that I should rest... and that it happens when one is sick... He also mentioned that it took him 1 - 2 weeks to fully regain his strength when he was ill the last time.

Sweet of him though I didn't like the bit about regaining strength.
Made a mental note to watch out for my health and NOT fall sick from now till our Trailblazer event.
Need.To.Train.


*Must get well soon...*Ohhmmmm...*


**I suppose what surprised me most was discovering that I had gone a few steps 'back' because I was ill, for less than a week. The thought of it is quite scary, no?
Imagine athletes, optimum health they have to maintain.

Speed Bump



Lord, thank You for the people You've brought onto my path,
to watch over me and to help me along this road called
life.

'Soon'



Feel so emo today. Reckon it's because I'm down with a terrible flu and a misbehaving temperature. Have not been sick for the longest time... And the last, I had someone to take care of me. Bah!

I find it unhealthy to associate my feelings with certain occasions, which aren't necessarily significant.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

- Proverbs 4:23

would you...

Gracious One

I've been thinking a lot about God lately, which is a good thing because it's easy not to, after I decided to leave.

These days, every thing and every one I meet brings me back to the place I once belonged.
I am seeing the world through the old me- no doubt the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Just the other day, I was so sick of listening to the songs repeating itself on radio that I switched to the CD in my player.

I felt something stir within me when the music started. Listening to the band worship God invoked the Holy Spirit. I could sense its awakening... in me!?!??!

You mean the Holy Spirit still resides in me??? Yes, it still does.
Clearly, I do not deserve such love. But God being God, the all-gracious One, did not turn His back on me, as I did Him.


I am someone who thrives on experiences, whether good or bad, for I believe that is the only way I will truly learn. I'm the sort who'll touch that 'hypnotic blue flame' even though told not to because it would burn. I do not subscribe to the maxim, 'Learn from the mistake of others.'
How? When you don't even know what the other person's thought process was?

I need to experience things for myself so as to learn and remember the feelings/emotions associated to that particular incident/action. (Purely me. To each his own.)

I was not always like this though.

When I went through my first break-up (devastating), I was angry and asked God why he had to create these emotions. They were heart-wrenching, gut-twisting painful and was manifesting itself physically. It was really hurting me.

After my healing journey with God, I came to realise that what I had gone through taught me tremendous life lessons. The most important then, was empathy. I could relate deeply (stuff only you would know and understand having gone through it yourself) to another person and help them out of their pit.

There came many more lessons God brought along my way. I embraced it, shit and all, because I was encountering Him in a totally different level. I would constantly reflect on my experiences- feelings I had, how I was responding to it, what I understood and didn't. Then, randomly speak to God and ask about Him being human, that surely He too has felt all these. Asked how He dealt with it and to teach me because I didn't know how to handle it... So on and so forth.

This period (in the UK) was the peak of my spiritual growth. I still cannot fathom the heights God had brought me to; the journey with Him and His people. I reckon it was because I only had God to depend on in the foreign land instead of the 'safety net' called church. It was just me and Him- raw faith.

And now, here I am, many moons later, a destitute spirit, holding on to the past, understanding it only with my head, not my heart. Such is my spiritual state. I told myself and others that I was leaving the 'institution', not God, believing that I could survive, me and Him, just like before. Naive of me because leaving also meant that I left the fellowship of God's people.

If there's one thing I've retained, it would be the ability to perceive my emotions. I've learnt to do this really well and reflecting. I like reflecting although sometimes it gets me into a rather melancholic state.

So, based on my recent observations, these are the consequences of my 'leaving', in progression:

1) I cannot speak in tongues anymore.
I know it in my head and it's there in my heart, somewhere, but when I try, my voice and the 'words' refuse to go beyond my throat. I told Jean and she said that it is still there but laying dormant. (This came as a shock to me. I assumed I would always have it in me and be able to pray it, as and when.)

2) I cannot pray aloud anymore.
Same thing; voice does not project, words do not come out.
A few months ago, Priss requested for prayers after her niece was born- some complications at birth. I meant to sit with her and pray aloud but the words just didn't want to come out. I settled for praying in silence.

3) It is difficult for me to worship God aloud.
My most recent incident, which I discovered when I wanted to worship along to the songs playing. At most, only garner a whisper =(

It is frightening to note that these 'abilities', which I took for granted, can slowly dissipate, as a result of my actions.

Holy Spirit = me communicating directly with God
My body = Temple of the Holy Spirit
Defile said body = Holy Spirit says, "Bye"

Having deduced the above, I must however say that my faith in God did not falter. And I'm thinking, maybe that's the reason why He didn't really *'leave me' leave me. The Holy Spirit is still in there, somewhere. I just need to nurture it in the environment it is familiar with.

Maybe it's time to go home...


*Unlike how God turned His back on Israel and His Spirit, manifested as a hovering cloud (if I remember correctly), left them in the wilderness to fend for themselves. It's awful not to have God watch over you.


I have something else that is bugging me. Will write it some other time coz it's gonna be another long one.

Genting Trailblazer

Okay, this made it into My 100 List only because I thought I wouldn't be able to participate this year, thinking that my Perth trip fell on the same day.



And so, I've signed up, with David as my partner- first for the both of us.
I think we're pretty psyched coz we started our training as partners after the WOD at PM just now. Haha. So gian.

I asked Jinn if we needed to train for this and he said no, "coz we're only joining for the fun of it". But my partner has dreams of winning and my objective is to finish in the top 20.

I told David that we had to align our goals in order to work as partners (so serious, right?).
We agreed to mine! =D Obviously, because it's more achievable.

So, on top of me running every morning (almost), I'll train with David at PM after the WODs.
3 months baby!! You know, we could actually win this. Haha.

*Click on title to find out more about the event.

Good morning Starshine, the Earth says hello!


(via a beautiful revolution)

Click to enlarge

Someday

close to my heart



This was something I wrote 4.5 years ago.

without You, i would not be
in knowing You, i know myself
what You've made me, that i now am
not complete, but in the process of becoming
what Your Word says, i will be; perfect and complete
outwardly i wither, inwardly i grow
thank you Father.


Although I know this (in the head), I cannot recall what my experience with God was then.
So much has changed.

must learn to let go


(via That Girl)


Some things just aren't mine to keep.