10% ana, 90% pm

Not only have I gained a lot of weight since PM, my menstruation cycle has decided to screw itself up too.

It's horrible that I'm unable to control how my hormones adapt to new elements I introduce my body to.

I really do hope that it would start to regulate itself soon. I cannot imagine growing bigger than this. I would slip into a depression.

Onward

"If you only do what you know you can do, you never do very much."

Copywriting, that's my ultimate goal, during my time in advertising anyway.
I didn't pursue it because it was a challenge, one that I am quite fearful of (believe it or not after what I've been through).

I chose to go into servicing because I know it's something I can do and can do really well. And I have, and I'm bored and I feel that it doesn't require any thinking on my part. I'm getting restless...

The quote resonates with me.
I am not doing very much where I'm at because I am able.

Question is, should I push myself?
Am I ready?

just as i am

to you, whom i've yet to meet...

"If you pick me a flower, I’ll wear it in my hair. I’ll stash little notes for you where you least expect them. I don’t have many firsts left.. but I’d like someone who I could offer all of my lasts. We’ll make history together. I’ll wait for you even if you’re late – and I won’t complain about it. Kindness to cashiers, valets, waiters and maddeningly slow postal clerks who would try the patience of Gandhi is a must. I will feel safe and most at peace in your arms. When you’re counting aloud, I will try and mess you up. I find you magically delicious. I will let you be right when it doesn’t really matter. I’ll giggle when you show off and I know it’s just for me. I’ll hold your coffee while you drive. I can build a fire without burning the house down. If you wash the car with me – I promise to wear a white t-shirt for you. I'll hide around corners and try to scare you in the middle of the night.. of course, I'll end up scaring myself and you’ll have to calm me down. I can change a flat tire and my own oil. It’s the simple things you do that make me swoon the most. I love it when you sing to me. I’ll make you mickey mouse pancakes. Sleeping in has a whole new meaning now that we’re doing it together. I’ll cover you up and kiss your forehead when you fall asleep watching tv. I won’t swear around your family or make you wear silly sweaters at my family’s during Christmas. I’ll grant you three wishes. I’ll make you laugh. I’ll stare in wonder with you at that hot chick with the great rack. I will marvel at your strength. I’ll take care of you when you’re sick. I give a kick ass massage. I think it’s hot when you come home all dirty from playing or working hard. My heart will skip every time you walk through the door. My kisses will take your breath away – seriously. I’ll giggle if you leave your socks on in bed. My quirks and oddities have been deemed ‘adorable’ and I will love you more everyday for all of yours. I’ll hold you when you need it. I will give you space when you need it. I will let you be you. You’ll sleep better when I’m next to you. I’ll thank you every time you open a door for me. I’ll never give you shit in front of your friends. I won’t ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch and a passionate kiss. We can watch your movie first. I’ll clean the house perfectly every time your mom comes by. I like horror movies only when you’re with me and only as long as you hold me close. I don’t litter. I love when you pull me down to sit on your lap. I love it when you lay your head on my chest in bed. I can be ready (shower and all) in half an hour. I’ll look cute as hell in your shirt in the morning. I can balance a checkbook. I can never turn down a challenge. I’ll fit perfectly in your arms. I’ll understand if you get jealous – and do my best to show you that you have no reason. Hand-written love notes will get you laid every time. I can totally keep a secret. I’m pretty damn funny and will do anything to make you laugh. You will always look hot to me in the morning. I think it’s cute when you eat off my plate. When you’re sleeping, I’ll try to stay quiet. I’ll call when I say I will. Treat me like a woman and I’ll treat you like a man. To clarify: I’m not looking for a savior, a fix-up project, or anything of that sort. I’m looking for a man who quite simply adds something extraordinary and special to my life. And I to him. A fair exchange, an amazing mind, body and soul connection and a place to build something magnificent."

- Unknown

i am letting you go. goodbye.

I Concur

Note to Self:



The above quote is such an important reminder, for me especially as I have been brought up to please others. I've lived almost my entire life like that and was always timid in standing up for myself.

I'm glad to say that I've changed tremendously after spending a year and a half(?) at 95%. I still catch myself trying to make people happy but at least I now know when and how to be selfish and do as I please instead.

Good stuff.

Flawed



"You know those things about yourself that you’re self conscious of?
Those quirks that you’re trying to hide?
Those are not your weaknesses, those are your strengths."

- Terry Border

I love this piece



"Comptine D’un Autre Été: L’après Midi" is considered one of Yann Tiersen’s best piano compositions, from the album Amélie. These songs were the soundtrack for the French Academy Award winning motion picture film 'Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulain'.

(via last.fm)

Even after all these years...


"There are some hurts that you never completely get over.
And you think time will diminish their presence and to a degree... it does.
But it still hurts, because, well…hurt hurts."

— The Story of Us

Observations

Random situations that caught my attention today in which I deem worthy of a deeper thought.

JADED
Funny, a friend of mine, whom I met through a really close friend, commented on a picture I posted on FB. Well, that's not the funny bit. It was her comment.
She's a fairly nice girl; jovial and all, but her comment caught me off guard. It sounded bitter, with a tinge of sarcasm.

I didn't know how to reply when I first saw it. Took me a while to register that it was her who commented, after like 249 years of not talking/seeing each other.
Had half the mind to reply with my initial reaction, "Why so bitter?"
But of course, being civilised and all, I replied to her comment cheekily and her response to that was mean-er(?)

Wanted to do the whole PG thing:
100% intention + 0% mechanism = 100% result
But I didn't bother.

I looked through her pictures on FB and realised that she has lost that sparkle in her eyes- the hope and playfulness, the anticipation that life brings you more than just the daily grind.

Sad.


EMPATHY
The *Bear, he's going through another bout of depression.
Oh well.

Me and Mr. Cheng are of the opinion that this is his way of getting attention.

Anyhoo, thing is, when I found out that he was hurting, I did too.
Weird isn't it? Seeing that my only feelings towards him is purely platonic.
But I was sad that he was.

I think sometimes I empathise with people too much.
Nonetheless, I think it's a strength and I just have to manage it so it doesn't tip the scale of becoming a weakness, like before.


ATTITUDE
Is.So.Important.
In everything that we do.

This dude at PM was hating double-unders and wanted so badly to avoid today's WOD.
No such luck.
Thing is, this is his opportunity to practice his double-unders and he did it grudgingly. Where did it get him?
A whole 10-15mins for 50 double unders.

Pei was being very supportive, encouraging him to forge ahead and not give up.
He kept messing it up BECAUSE he was hating.

And when Poo came along to do hers, which isn't perfect either, there wasn't a complaint or hating whatsoever. To her, they were just double-unders.
1, 2, 3, 4, perfecting her skips as they came.
She accomplished it half the time he took and both struggled equally.

Attitude.
SO.IMPORTANT.
It changes everything.

--------------------------------------
And how do I conclude from here?
I mean, observations are just what the term suggests, observations.



Above all else, I am thankful.
Thankful that God has brought so many wonderful and blessed people into my life to teach me a thing or two about life.

If Only

“This would be so much easier if I didn’t love him.
There should be a pill you can take to make love go away.”

— The Women

powerful but untrue

Hehe. So cute.

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North



Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

Because I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Because I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Stop

Jenn shared this on twitter today: 35 Powerful Photos That Tell A Story.
The picture below caught my attention.

STARVING BOY AND MISSIONARY



I can't help but feel...
(There's something about kids and suffering that I cannot take.)

I then went on to read the comments and chanced upon this site.
Broke.My.Heart.
How can it not?
This then led me to an article written about the photographer's life; his fame (after he won a prize for the said pic) and his unfortunate death, suicide.

I didn't (couldn't coz of typeface *grumbles*) read the entire article- just sped read.

Just thought I'd bring this to your attention amidst the crazy busy lives we live each day for... what?

“Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.”

“He misses you? Good. He should. You’re sexy, pretty, fun, outgoing and fun to be around. Guys that haven’t met you yet, miss you. But don’t get back together with him, because somewhere out there, there is a guy searching really hard for you. He’s the one who deserves someone as amazing as you, so wait for him. Give yourself to him and don’t go back to the asshole who left you.”

— He’s Just Not That Into You

So True



That is why I have always held on to the belief that timing is everything.

The funny thing is, I have experienced all 3, each with one ex.
1. Ex #2
2. Ex #3
3. Ex #1

Let's hope the fourth and final one makes the cut. *crosses fingers*

There is no such thing as the perfect person, only perfect timing.

Haha

Really?

Bliss



Imagine waking up on this bed and to this view.

Singledom

let go. if it comes back to you, then you know...

Walking Contradiction

Met another today.
One is enough, really.

When you point it out, they become defensive.

Energy draining.
Tipping the scale of becoming toxic.

The Boy

This reminds me so much of him.



The airport; it brought pain and joy.

And then came goodbye forever.

Addiction



#PM WOD: 100 Pull Ups for time.

And then with Cheryl P, we did our own WOD.
3 Rounds of:
20 KBS @8kg
15 Ring Rows
10 Sit Ups

I loike!

Just The Man

Reminder

wishful thinking

slipping...

Need You Now

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.

The world I live in

Crossing Over



There has been a small breakthrough recently.
I'm at a place where I am accepting my body; weight & size.
Okay and not hating.
This is because of PushMore.






On the flip side, I can see the benefits of having joined PM after more than a month. My stamina has improved and am definitely stronger (if only just a little).

Every time I lapse, I think of what PM is doing for me and that one day I shall be fit (and look it).

Thing is, I wish that day was now.

Breakeven



When a heart breaks, it don't break even.

remember....

lessons you learn along the way

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

- Unknown

Life Book



1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day- and while you walk, smile.

2. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

3. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

4. Don’t over do; keep your limits.

5. Don’t take yourself so seriously; no one else does.

6. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.

7. Dream more while you are awake.

8. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

9. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.

12. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

13. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

14. Smile and laugh more.

15. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

(via Forwarded Messages)

3 words



Those three words are said too much; they're not enough.