![.mono[b]logue.](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-h14xxeP1Ke4/T40tU6Os2PI/AAAAAAAAA0o/kPYPOuHbGZ0/s1600/bg3.JPG)
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Friday, November 24, 2006
 It's a conspiracy I tell you! Someone's trying to make me burn a hole in my pocket. ... ... ... Anyone wanna come with? =D *Edit I really shouldn't allow myself to go for this book sale. I've never not bought any books from one before. I just can't help myself. Arrghhh! Why I shouldn't go: 1) buy dad's b'day pressie 2) buy dress/es for Jean's wedding, one for Ipoh dinner, one for KL 3) buy Jon&Jean's wedding gift 4) buy brother's b'day present 5) buy C'mas pressies Moreover, I won't be here from the 16th onwards, which means I can only go on the 15th and that'll be too rush for me (I need to give myself a valid reason). Settle lah, no need to go. =( Fact #3: I have an intense disliking for cats. In3caTe jotted @ 3:13 pm
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Not the bit about being "sneaky and duplicitous" la. The one that says I'll eternally look young. Hehehe. As a matter of fact, people DO really not realise how old I am. Some people think I'm 22 =D (which is very good already,k) And thank God I have the Holy Spirit as my counsellor thus insuring that I would NOT use my powers for evil. *smiles mischeviously* Ohhh.. but but she's in blue paint. And you all know I don't like blue. Bah! I'd prefer to be Nightcrawler, you know, the teleporter. I absolutely fell in love with his character. He's such an interesting creature, don't you agree? A confused and tortured soul. I like that he is religious too. Plus, I'm a lazy person >.< Oh, wait. He's blue tooooooo. Pffft! Fact #2: Sloth is my greatest sin. In3caTe jotted @ 12:12 pm
Sunday, November 19, 2006
is actually the title of my other (read:private) blog. I used to get rather worked up over the opinions people form of me when they read my blog. This didn't happen all the time but I had my moments. In the beginning, I was reluctant to post too many Christian entries for fear of what my non-Christian friends would think/say. Then, I started hesitating whenever I wanted to write something not so 'Christian-y' for fear of what my Christian friends would think/say. Sighh... Sitting here in the study, at home, dad downstairs napping, just after a game of golf and mum, in her room, primping herself for her friend's Deepavali do, it's as if I've had an epiphany: it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I write for myself and not for anyone else. I know, like dUH!, right? And.. it's not as if I have an orchestra for an audience. But forgive me, I'm insecure like that. You know what the saddest thing is though? I actually care more about what my Christian friends think of me. And that says a lot, really. I am not generalising here but in my honest and humble opinion, I believe that Christians are one of the most judgemental people I know (because I catch myself doing it at times). My non-Christian friends respect my faith and it's fine with them what I write on my blog (I assume) as long as I don't try to shove 'religion' down their throats. But I have to admit, I do withhold certain thoughts for fear of offending them. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone (the irony). This isn't exactly where I wanted my entry to go. The thing is, I just want people to know me; the me minus any façades or pretences although I highly doubt that I portray myself as such a person on this blog. See, I am a Christian and am mighty blessed to have been spotted by God. It is absolutely incredible to be able to experience His overwhelming grace and unfailing love for me, daily. However, I am also an ordinary person. I have my flaws. A lot of it, if I might add. I want to be an obedient child of God, which isn't always the easiest thing to be. But nothing has come out wrong by obeying Him because we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. What I'm really trying to say is (because I've gone so off tangent I don't know how to bring it back on track) this: I'll post 'angry' entries when something really ticks me off and if I happened to swear while going at it, please forgive me. I'll try my level best to express my 'fury' in a more civilised manner but sometimes one 'bad word' does the trick. I'll post 'brainless' entries and will write about beauty and fashion because the axiomatic fact is, I am a female and these things interest me. God made me who I am and this is who I am going to be. I have in the past and up until now refrained from talking about such things on my blog for reasons even I can't quite comprehend (actually I know why but let's not make me repeat myself). For example, I've wanted to tell people how much I cannot tahan that UK picks up fashion trends waaaaayyy, waaayyy slower than any other countries I've had the privilege of visiting. Take for example the skinny jeans. Like hello, it was the essential piece of clothing when I visited Melbourne in 2003! And the whole tuck-jeans-in-boots thing only caught up a year later. Dudes...?? But I hardly have friends who are into fashion like that. At least not my friends from Newcastle. Then again, I have like what, 10 friends in total? Absolute anti-social. Very bad. Plus they sound so shallow (not my friends you ning nong), don't they? No!! Because what sounds shallow to you may not sound shallow to the next person, correct? Ohhh.. since I'm doing a bare-it-all session, I might as well dive in. I am absolutely insecure about my body and this is something I'm extremely ashamed of. Not one Christian person dealing with this would admit to it (we don't go around asking either!) unless you're a confidant. I've been so conscious of my body weight ever since I was 14 years old and let me tell you, it sucks big time. I hate dealing with it. This is the battle I have to face everyday: "I am a child of God. My confidence comes from the Lord and not my self-image. I am fearfully and wonderfully made." "Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."(emphasis mine) I've had my ups and downs. And when it's a downer, it is really bad. And I mean bad. I never knew that I'd shut the whole world out, literally. I've even lost good friends because I did not know how to handle this 'bloodyfreakingirritating' issue of mine, which is a real shame. But I thank God for His providence. I am very blessed to have a few friends (two of whom are sisters-in-Christ) in whom I can speak honestly to, friends who totally understand and can empathise with what I've been through, am going through and will go through and not judge, sisters to pray with me and for me, and am held accountable for. However, for the past few months, I'm glad to say that I've been more opened about it. I don't want it to be my 'BIG hush-hush' any longer. I actually shared this with a couple of people from my fellowship during CF one Friday night when we broke into smaller groups. I want to be transparent; to go beneath the surface and not just share for the sake of sharing. To be authentic. To let them know that this is me, the real Cheryl. Wow. I certainly didn't expect that to come out all at once. And now, I've totally lost my train of thought. It happens. I'm a wanderer, you see =) I think I'll stop here and then pick up from where I left off another time. Why do I doubt that (because I won't be able to remember. Gosh! Do I have to state everything to the letter now??)? LOL! I'm JOKING!! No, not really. I just wanted to clarify in case some of you misinterpret me. Gah! This post hasn't change a thing, has it?!?! *You know, I am guilty of whatever accusations I made above. For me to think that people think like this shows that I think that way too. Don't you think? Sigh... I'm truly sorry, really. I shouldn't judge lest I be judged. EEkk! Fact #1: My favourite colour is green and I try my best to steer clear of blue (<-- eee, don't like) at all times. In3caTe jotted @ 12:04 pm
Saturday, November 18, 2006
P: How's bridal shower planning? Me: We're evil. Muahahah. P: Are you gonna shower her with eggs or something? Me: Okay this is going to sound obscene but it involves a 'penis' cake *cringe*, facial mask and a bunny suit, the playboy kind. P: Whoa. I will ask no more. Man, never cross a bunch of girls on a mission! Hope the poor girl knows what she will face. Me: Lol. I know, right! Even I'm afraid of us. In3caTe jotted @ 5:27 am
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Accuse me of a wrong I did not commit? I can allow. Accuse me of a wrong I did not commit, blatantly? I can still allow. Accuse me of a wrong I did not commit, *cantankerously, and then continuously harp on it? Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we've hit a new low. I've taken a lot of crap from you and frankly, it's starting to smell. I've had it! This is where I'm drawing the line. *Can someone please tell me if I've used the word correctly? I've been itching to use it since forever =P In3caTe jotted @ 5:03 pm
Questions, more questions as I turn the pages of the book. Questions, which sadly, I no not the answers to. Oh how I've strayed from Him. --- Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.I have always misinterpreted this Psalm. I assumed that He would grant me the desires of MY heart if I were to delight in Him. How foolish of me! If we're constantly walking close with God and are one with Him in spirit and mind, the desires of His heart would naturally become the desires of our hearts. Don't you see? It is because we are in tune with Him; our hearts beating as one, our lives singing the same song. His will becomes our will. Likewise, His desires, ours. But.. the desires of my heart are totally different now, Lord. I want different things now. Sighh.. how I've slipped silently away from the Lord. --- Am I still that ordinary girl who wants to be extraordinary for God? I don't know... Am I willing to pay the necessary price to walk with Him? I don't know... Am I prepared for Him to make the necessary adjustments in my life in order for me to be used as His powerful instrument? I don't know... I want to do so much but herein lies the problem: It is not about my abilities nor is it about my capabilities. It is all about my availability. I want to do so much but am not willing to... I don't desire the same things as the Lord anymore. Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. --- Waiting Someone once told me that this is the most important period of one's spiritual walk; what you do when you have no ministry. What you do when you're asleep or when you're alone. I will wait for You, O You his Strength; To You, O my Strength, I will sing (declare) praises;(emphasis mine) Q: So, what do you do? A: You remain faithful. All this 'waiting' and 'unproductiveness' has made me wander from God. Excerpts from the book Called to be God's Leader by Blackaby & Blackaby. Churchill (Winston) spent most of his life waiting in the wings of history for his moment to enter the world stage. He spent agonizing years in a political wilderness while others mismanaged his nation. Likewise, Joshua spent the greater part of his adulthood waiting. Historically, God has repeatedly chosen young people and fashioned them into great leaders. The key for each of them, as it would be for Joshua, was their willingness to be patient and obedient as God prepared them for His purposes. At times emerging leaders limit their future possibilities by their impatience. They look for shortcuts to success, but God is methodical. He typically lays a foundation of character before building a superstructure of leadership. Transitional periods can be difficult, especially for the young. We cannot underestimate the profound impact wandering forty years in the wilderness would have on Joshua. He had been ready and willing to enter the promised land immediately. But, because of someone else's sin, Joshua would have to delay God's will for his own life by forty years. This could have been an unproductive and wasted time, but Joshua chose to spend it walking with God, and time spent with God is never wasted. (emphasis mine) It is most definitely not my desire to lead a nation. Far from it! All I want is to desire the things that were once dear to me. "...people leave God on their terms, but they must return on God's terms." *I apologise if this entry seem so scattered. Reckon it's because I'm in this state too. In3caTe jotted @ 2:10 pm
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
 In3caTe jotted @ 11:12 am
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Today is my ex's birthday. The birthday reminder on my cell phone beeped a minute ago. So weird that I should forget. Then again, I guess it isn't so weird afterall. Just goes to show that I no longer hold on to the past. I'm glad. p/s: Blessed 27th, Andrew. In3caTe jotted @ 4:16 pm
Friday, November 10, 2006
I've been back for about two months now and am still doing nothing. My aunt coined it as 'surveying', LC says it's a 'readjustment period' and CY thinks it's 'transitional'. God bless their sweet-sweet souls. Home. The thing I cannot tahan most I've decided to write (I know my blog screams otherwise) and have gotten some help with it. Hopefully it'll develop into something more in the future. Someone suggested I work as a fashion writer for a magazine. I have to confess that between a Balenciaga (you know I had to Google that, right?) bag and a Marc Jacob one, I can't tell them apart. And.. I'm pretty sure that in itself is a crime. Heh. Anyway, Yoong recently told me about a position Astro was looking to fill; a travel writer. She asked me to apply for it but I was reluctant to because I felt I lack the experience. I briefly told Michael about it and could see that he thought it ridiculous that I should dive back into law (because he knows how much I loathe it) when my passion clearly lies elsewhere. Speaking of Michael, I went to watch Frankenstein in Love with Alena last Friday at KL Pac. Although I felt the play was tad bit draggy, I thoroughly enjoyed watching him act. I have to say, I am very impressed, dude. And, as an added bonus, I got to see him play opposite our lecturer (mine and his) from Kemayan. Excellent! After the show, I kept going on about how fantastic I thought U-En was. I was captivated by his performance the whole time he was on stage. You have to know that he's had no acting background prior to his last two plays. I can't exactly recall what I said to U-En when Michael introduced us, but I am sure I made a fool out of myself by gushing like a silly school girl. Gah! How embarrassing! Well, I think we've had enough randomness for one day. Moreover, my lunch is calling out to me. Ta! In3caTe jotted @ 6:38 am
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