.mono[b]logue.

Crossing Over

I grew up with a very bad self-image.
Always hated the way I looked and have never really loved me for me.
Suffered from depression and hid from the world outside.
Eating disorder- been there, done that (bought the t-shirt).
Sometimes I think to myself,"Can I be fat and happy?"
"No."

There has been a small breakthrough recently.
I'm at a place where I am accepting my body; weight & size.
Okay and not hating.
This is because of PushMore.

I do however lapse into the
'IhatemybodywishIwasthin' state-of-mind ever so often.
Ironically, this is also because of PM.

Ever since I took it up, my appetite has increased a gazillion folds.

I am hungry all the time.
And the worse thing is that this hunger isn't easily satisfied.
I have to constantly munch on something- feel so out of control.

On the flip side, I can see the benefits of having joined PM after more than a month. My stamina has improved and am definitely stronger (if only just a little).

Every time I lapse, I think of what PM is doing for me and that one day I shall be fit (and look it).

Thing is, I wish that day was now.

It's hard to be here.

Right now.

Mid-way.

I want to be good to my body but...

Crossing over is difficult.