.mono[b]logue.

tipping point

If ever there was a time I felt I needed to 'get out', it was never.. until last night.

Christianity, it isn't just a religion. It also isn't just a relationship with The Almighty. It is a lifestyle. One cannot be Christ-like if one doesn't practice what the Bible teaches. None of us however, can live up to God's standards and that is why we have the Holy Spirit to help and guide us in our spiritual journey.

Faith is simple.
me + God = faith

But it can get complicated if you allow it to.
+ relationships + choices + career + etc = complications
Like I did.

And somewhere in that equation, you lose sight of God
Like I did.

And the next thing you know, you'd be asking,
"What happened to me + God = faith?"
Like I did.

I've been harbouring a lot of negativity lately;
resentment, bitterness, jealousy, self-centeredness, anger, jadedness...

This is the result of not wanting to be a pushover anymore. It's funny how the roles have changed. I don't think I was made with the ability to cope and adapt to unhealthy traits. They are slowly eating its way into my life and I can't mask it- I've always worn my emotions on my sleeves.

Also, I can't do superficial!

I can't attend church just so my friends wouldn't ring me up and ask why
or recite words just so they seem like prayers.

I can't attend cell group just because they're the people I hang with
or worship just because I enjoy the music.

And I can't handle superficiality!

I'd rather be known as a 'bad Christian/back-slider' than to live as a hypocrite.

I am tired and I am taking a break-
from church, from cell group, from all things institutionalised.

I don't know what exactly happened or when it happened.
Can I attribute this to a cumulation of incidences? Maybe, maybe not.
But I am who I am as much as I despise the person I am.

Call it disillusionment or disenchantment. I don't really care about the above.
All I care about is to rediscover the essence of my faith;
me + God