ashamed

It's so silly to want to hide from God, no?

I am ashamed of something I did. No, wait, that's not right. I am ashamed of my omission. Yeah. And I cannot bring myself to face Him, you know? I am afraid to reach out to Him because I do not want to see the disappointment on His face. And even if I do, I am in no position to receive His grace and mercy. I know that that is for Him to decide but I highly doubt that God would dish out His grace left, right, centre and back.

I know He promised in 2 Cor 12:19a that His grace is sufficient for me. The word sufficient denotes enough, meaning not too much not to little but just enough. But the Lord wouldn't just dish it out if one were to continuously take it for granted, right? It's like that saying, 'Twice bitten, three times shy'. And who am I to request for His grace.

I know it's so so wrong of me to anthropomorphise God in my but I just don't know. I don't know, I don't know...

I wish I knew how to express myself better but I don't. Oh, and I can kiss goodbye to this.