i just want to say...

i am amaze at how acutely aware i am of the hormonal changes taking place in my body.
loosely put, i'm pms-ing.
thing is, i would usually just allow myself to be emo without giving much thought to it and conveniently blame pms, of course. this is the first time ever that my mind is attempting to rationalise these emotions i am experiencing and gosh! i cannot understand it!
there's no way of explaining why i wanna cry/be upset/be angry/snap at the littlest things. sometimes i feel like slapping myself to snap out of it.
the only good that has came about is that i am able to feel, process emotion and tell myself
to stop being silly. if i didn't know better, i'd think i was bipolar.




i am an escapist.
if placed in a situation in which i feel i cannot yet handle,
my mind would automatically shut off and numb itself.
i space-out and function like how a zombie would, which can either go on for
months, weeks or an hour?
it is only when i make a conscious decision to accept reality that my mind awakens.
most of the time, this happens when shit's about to hit the fan.
funny bit is that i am fully aware of all of the above and yet choose to live in denial.
i suppose this is how i deal with issues and am okay with it.
i have been 'asleep' for the past 2 months but decided last sunday
that i was not going to jeopardise my future.




it's been a while since i've had a crush on someone and gosh,
i absolutely cannot stand how it makes me feel all knotted inside. urgh!
sure there are times when i'm happy-clappy and giggly,
though behaving like a silly school girl should not be considered a plus point.
but most of the time it sucks, a lot, and it is a waste of energy.
i opine that the courtship portrayed during the 19th century is the way it should be-
man comes to home, seek approval from father, ask girl for hand in marriage.
finishfullstop, no frills, no games.
i have therefore decided not to put myself through the mambo-jumbo and just let go.

i am grateful that despite not walking closely with God, He still watches over me.
He has brought good people into my life- people whom i meet at new places and become friends with. it's been good for the soul. <3


i was approached with a job offer i found very appealing.
it is not so much the money but the workplace culture it had to offer.
i am however unsure of the unknown and therefore held back.
after careful consideration, i decided to stay put because i once made a declaration to achieve a specific goal and i want to see it through, which i believe am close to achieving.
*crosses fingers/toes/hands/legs/tongue/eyes*




i have recently been thinking and talking to myself, in the head, waaayy too much.
figured it was because *ari had left. before him, i had *the bear.
and at my previous workplace, we had wifle mondays.
wifle- what i feel like expressing.
i've yet to find an outlet/person with whom i can share freely to,
knowing that i will not be judged nor misunderstood and not have to explain myself to.

i still love God deeply although it may not always come through in my actions.