Tremors

According to reports, there might still be 'smaller' quakes following the big one in Sumatra. People are being warned to stay off certain areas and stuff.
Hmm.. God may have healed and restored my heart but like the 'smaller' quakes, I still feel a twinge of sadness here and there. Well, I guess that's what makes us human; emotions.
I can honestly say tho, that I've come such a long way in such a short time and the ONLY reason this was possible is God; God and His abundant love and grace and mercy.. for me.

*Sigh*
New Year's around the corner and I bet everyone's got like at least one new year's resolution =P Hahhaah.. the one that you usually 'carry forward' to the next year cuz you sorta did not fulfil it :D Guilty !! Ahahahh
Nopes *shakes head* My new year's resolution is not, to lose like hundreds of kgs, it also ain't acquiring a whole new wardrobe. This year, I mean next, would probably be the 1st time I want something that no amount of money; millions, billions or even trillions can buy. It is priceless and yet it is free ...

cheryL's New Year's resolution
~ intimacy with God ~

May Jesus Comfort Your Grieving Heart

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
~ Phil 4:6-7 ~

A New Beginning (Pt.2)

Lord, how do you expect me to have a 'Merry' Christmas ??
How am I suppose to be 'joyful' and 'rejoice' in the birth of my Saviour ??

*Sigh* Christians would know that these are probably the most steww-pidest questions one can ask but...
I shall explain.
Before that tho, I would like you to read the sentence below a few times, till it gets into your head, digest each and every word.
Ok? Alrighty then =)
God, God Himself willingly sacrificed His only Son to take on the curse of sin so that I, Ms. cheryL, a mere measly tiney-winey mortal may have everlasting life.
Now read the 2 questions posted above, don't they seem extremely insignificant compared to what God has already done for me? I was limiting God to what I thought were His capabilities. I mean He IS afterall God and what kinda God would I be praying to if I thought He can only do 'this' much.
It sounds real dumb now, but just a week ago, I questioned and questioned and knowing how my christmas could ever be joyous this year meant the world to me.
This is exactly what I told Him, "So You took him away and made me hurt so so much, I want You TO MAKE SURE I have a M.E.R.R.Y Christmas !! Lets just see how You're gonna do it". (+ the smug look; like so stupid right !!)
Deep down tho, I knew, I knew He would deliver me and restore my broken-heart. I was just way stubborn. HEheeh.. as usual.

Christmas was yesterday. The day my Saviour, Jesus Christ came into this world to save me from eternal pain. Was I saved? Y.E.S !!! Praise the Lord !!!
Tell me, tell me again that he loves her and not me. I'm ok !! I'm healed, completely restored; upside down, downside up, inside out and outside in.
Just like that ah? Yeah la He's God mah !!!

I never really shared Christ to my non-Christian friends. I speak openly about my faith and stuff but never really told them that Jesus would and could do it for them too. The urgency was lacking. I was hoping that my life would reflect a Christ-like one and then people would want to know God in a personal way.
But now I cannot not tell you, yes you, about His great love and I only have 2 words for you.

U.N.C.O.N.D.I.T.I.O.N.A.L

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G

Unconditional because He keeps on loving me and loving me despite my ever-so-consistent disobedience. You have to understand that Jesus is love ie God=love which means that He could never punish you. The 'punishment', so to say, is basically the product of your own disobedience; the consequences. It's like that Chinese saying, 'you brought it upon yourself'.
BUT.. because He is LOVE, he would never leave you to fend for yourself when you're 'drowning'. Even though 'you brought it upon yourself' He will always be there to 'save' you. ALWAYS. He will never leave you nor forsake you because He JUST CAN'T. He loves you TOO MUCH. Disobeying hurts, it's common sense, we know our parents want us to be obedient and bla bla bla =p and they get upset if we don't listen to them...
Anyway, back to my heavenly Father...
Disobey Him, hurt Him, reject Him, be angry with Him, hurt Him more and He STILL WOULD LOVE YOU. There is NOTHING in this world that could make Him not love you. N.O.T.H.I.N.G

Amazing ain't it ;) Yea, I'm coming to that...

His AMAZING LOVE... *Sigh* Without it, without Him, I know that I will harbour bitterness. I know because I can feel it (no worries, not venturing in there).
Hmm.. this is gonna be a little sensitive to some people but I need to say it anyway. Forgive me in advance k.
The bitterness, I want to be angry... Well, not really want but isn't it like normal to hate the woman who stole his heart from you? Then anger's suppose to come rolling in and you get really bitter and stuff (esp girls). And then you just want to make her life a living hell. Hahahahah.. right !!
WRONG !!!!
Oh well, you would probably be right if I was living in this world according to wordly values. But so so thankful that I am NOT. I ain't. I live according to God's values, primarily His love.
AHhaha you wouldn't believe it, but I try to be angry at her. I do la !! AHahah .. but then I just can't. There ISN'T ANY ANGER... I was angry when I was hurting of course, but I'm talking about NOW; after complete healing. 'no', 'boh', 'nada', 'takde'.. don't have I'm telling you, I cannot get angry and I don't hate her. I don't know why, all I know is IT IS GOD and His AMAZING LOVE.

Wanna know what is MORE amazing ;) This one also I shocked man !! Ready anot .. I pray for their relationship, I pray that their relationship will last. And mind you, it's not the 'forcing yourself to pray' kinda thing where you go like,"Ok la, I sacrifice lerr.. you be happy and I shall be sad". No man !! I just pray because I genuinely want their relationship to be special. Isn't it bazaar !! It's like WHOA MAN !! You sooo know it's God because there's no way a human can genuinely care for the well-being of her ex-bf and the woman who stole him from you. I'm talking about GENUINE.. no grudge what-so-ever !! I'm still in shock to tell you the truth. I can't believe it la. I'm like.. "Hmm, I so nice one meh?" NO !! NO !! It is God, the God of UNCONDITIONAL and AMAZING LOVE ... and His all-sufficient-GRACE ... This AMAZING GRACE He so graciously showers on me so that I will be able to forgive, and love and love some more !! Yea man !! That's what the God of Love does to you. And it is such a wonderful feeling.

note: the part where I wrote 'the woman who stole him from...' was added for effect's sake. tell me that she stole him from me and I will tell you it's ok.
HAhhahaahh !!! You'd think I'm either mad or in denial. But I'm telling you it's His love and grace. I feel it flowing in my bloodstream. It is the very thing that's holding my human emotions together. If I lose His love, the very love that enables me to love, and if I lose His grace, the one that enables me to forgive, I'd be so dead. I don't even want to think about that.

Was talking to cy the other day. We were evaluating how ppl in general handle 'heart-breaks' and we realised that the devil uses our emotions to manipulate us in a sick and twisted way. For example, some ppl drink themselves to death just to forget, others take drugs to temporarily flee from the pain and then there are girls who just 'bounce' from one relationship to another. I know a guy who got 'played' by his first love and now he goes around 'playing' girls to hurt them just bcuz he was hurt. And the ultimate sick and demented thing the devil tells you is to take the easy way out, taking your own life cuz you won't feel the pain anymore, and I bet he even 'guarantees' it.
We were so thankful after that cuz we have Jesus in our lives. We can run to Him ANYTIME... and you KNOW HE IS THERE.

I think of my friends who do not have Jesus and wonder how they overcome extremely difficult obstacles in their lives. I do.. I guess you just take it in and walk against the wind by yourself cuz life goes on and you either make it or break it right.
Reading this blog means that you are someone I treasure very much and you probably have never heard me say this to you face to face before but I have to say this now... YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE. My gosh !! Having God is like having someone.. CARRY YOU ALL THE TIME. You do not have to carry your burdens, you don't.. just give it to Jesus and I guarantee He will carry it for you no matter how heavy.. He is afterall God ;)

Have I suddenly gone all holy-moly and you're suddenly afraid? Like why am I suddenly 'cheryL da preacher'... Well let's just put it this way, imagine finding the cure for cancer and not tell anyone about it.
I've been a Christian for sometime now and I never felt the urgency to share Christ with you. If it meant going thru 'liking, loving, committing.. breaking-up, lettting go, closure and complete restoration' for me to finally understand what it means to find a cure for 'heart-break' and tell ppl about it so that they do not have to hurt forever, I would do it all over again. Yes, and not change a single thing no matter how painful it is cuz I know I have Jesus by my side. Ok la, if I could turn back time... HAhaha I would change so many things.. but that's not the point. The point is, all I have to say is, "Lord I can't do it alone, please help me". And before I can even say Amen, He has already begun.

Finally, yes.. at last right !! Ahhahhaa
Whoever said, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved" clearly has never experienced love nor loss before.

Lastly =p (it's my blog !!) I really, really wanna thank all da peeps out there for keeping me in their prayers. Hope that you will continue to pray for me and do tell if there are any prayer needs way, way back home k.

And.. I LOVE YOU JESUS !! love ya, love ya, love ya...

The Amazing Thing About Love

I think that the true meaning of love is sacrifice;
seeing the person you love truly happy eventho you are no longer in that picture ...
It isn't easy of course. The urge to fight for him is excruciating.
But, when love exceeds selfish ambitions.. his happiness will mean so much more than your own. And then all you want is just for him to be happy.

I think that one hasn't truly learnt how to love if love means 'I want' ...

And finally, cheryL knows what it means to love ...
143x143

The End (Pt.1)

Well, this it ...
My first love and the whole cycle of liking, loving, committing.. breaking up, letting go and finally, closure. I'm still trying to 'grasp' reality... *Sigh*
I'm sure many of you have gone thru it but no one says how difficult it is, and no one speaks about the pain they felt.
Now that I'm part of the majority who didn't get their 'happy ever after', I'm going to tell you E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G ... Yup, all of it till.. where I'm stuck now la. Well, I'll probably skip the whole lovey-dovey part. Hahahha bet some of you are groaning cuz you do not want to be reminded of the 'awful heart-wrenching can't eat, can't sleep' kinda pain. BUT TOO BAD.. you can just skip this post and the next one then. But for those who, like me has only loved once or hasn't truly loved yet, I do hope that you'll be blessed after reading this.

To the people who know me and him personally, I'm also blogging bout this so that you would not 'come up' to me and ask whether I know bout them or act all secretive bcuz he told me first. And I am grateful that he did so. I also hope that all of you do not give him a hard time by bombarding him with questions k.

Furthermore, I want to make it clear that this post isn't some 'oh, pity me' thingy. Nope... *shakes head* So, please do not feel obliged to need to comfort me. I just want to share this with all of you; nothing more, nothing less.

Ok, the thing is.. I can't do it now, ahhahah, cuz I've got to get ready for Paris. Yes, I'm going to Paris =)
There is one thing I ask of you tho, I would really appreciate it if you could keep me in your prayers. Thanks you guys =)

Lastly, have a Blessed Christmas. Spend it with the people you love, let them know how much they mean to you and most importantly, appreciate all the little things they do sacrificially, for you. Till the next post, God bless...

Andrew and I

_Walk On_

Daddy Dearest

Was doing the dishes the other day and my mind wondered to a friend of mine, and her relationship with her mum. I recalled some things she mentioned which then led me to think of my dad.
*Sigh* My dad...
I sure pity him.. the things I complain about, the not so nice things that befall on me, whatever it is, I never fail to point it all back at him. I twist and I turn the 'story' and somehow the ending's always the same --> it's all his fault.

For example last year when I was back for C'mas hols, he kept complaining about my expenses here. He made me sit and list down EVERY single penny I spent, from scratch on a piece of paper (I'm so serious). Yup, that's dad for you. I kept telling him that the things I bought were necessities ie for the home and not clothes, etc etc. But he kept right on complaining and really, I wasn't even spending half as much as I am now =p
Anyway, I couldn't take it anymore and I said this, right to his face...
"You were the one who was so keen for me to study in the UK !"
"You knew I didn't mind completing my degree here !"
"You knew that it is not cheap to study there !"
"You knew that I will be spending Sterling Pounds instead of Ringgit Malaysia !"
And as if that wasn't bad enough, I went on to add vinegar to the wound I created...
"You know I'm so miserable there, I don't mind coming back here ! Then at least you won't have to complain about the amount I'm spending !"

You have to understand that his whole life, his dreams were for me and my bro to study abroad. This is the entire purpose of him working day in and day out till the wee hours in the morning. I mean he could work like the normal 9-5 job and just have enough to support his family. But no. He sacrificed so so much. His own desires of having a nice car, nice mobile, nice suits, nice whatever else which all his friends have (mum told me ;p).

Furthermore, he was brought up in a typical chinese family, hence, making him a chinaman. Imagine how he must have felt when I was nicely going on with the, "You, You and You" thingy. If I was him, I'd probably slap my daughter across the face and go like, "Sui lui pao!" HAhahah.. yea man.. and tell her what an ungrateful child she is.
But dad, dad JUST shouted that it was enough! And he JUST shouted for me to stop. Dad has never, never laid a finger on me or my bro. And as far as I can remember, he has only shouted at me twice, this being the second time.

And the infamous 'story' of, "Yea *rolls eyes*, dad made me study law!" Most of you, if not all have heard it before, I'm so sure.. like how I wanted to study something else, something I would enjoy but nooo.. my chinaman father bla, bla, bla...

Ok, enough of that, feeling alittle guilty now =p
Thing is, I know dad's dream is for me to become a lawyer. *Sigh* Anyway, anyway.. I told myself that I would study law, get the degree and give it to him and then tell him that I've done what you wanted and now it's my turn to do what I want.
Yeah.. for real. How horrible right, but this is what motivated me to finish the degree. I've played this scene over and over again in my head, I know exactly what I would say and exactly how dad would react bcuz it ain't an easy thing to do.

Then something changed.. I didn't mind studying law afterall. It was not all sunshine and rainbows but hey, it wasn't as dreadful as I thought it would be either. But I still didn't intend to practice (I think this has seriously got to do with pure rebellion). Somehow the thought of becoming a law lecturer sounded kinda appealing. And surely dad wouldn't mind.. right?? So I'm not a lawyer but at least I'm still doing something 'lawyerly'. WRONG !! Oh, he heard me, he heard me tell him about doing the LLM (Masters in Law) and then go on to lecture in a Uni. But he wasn't LISTENING.. he just said, do your BVC (Bar) first and bla bla bla...
Sure he pissed me off !! C'mon la, I'm an adult and my dad doesn't take me seriously. At one point he actually wanted me to do the BVC AND THEN CLP !! till I had to explain to him that they were the same thing. It's like asking someone to do A'Levels and then STPM ??!?!!
Fine !! I was soo determined to take this route (another sign of pure rebellion). I didn't care about what he thought or wanted anymore. I remember complaining to mum that he should be ever so grateful I'm even considering to sticking with law instead of throwing it all away and study interior designing which, I'm pretty sure he has no recollection of me ever telling him *rolls eyes*.

Plan backfired.. sort of. Was working in a law firm as a student attachment during summer break back in M'sia and I found practising very exciting, interesting and spontaneous. Each day was a new day, no boring routines bcuz you'll never know how your case has developed overnight. The pressure, the stress, the whole package was like one big adrenaline rush. But like dad, I'm stubborn person and kept right on telling others and myself, "I don't wanna practice, I wanna lecture."

Dad and I cannot carry a decent conversation for more than 3 mins. I'll eventually become agitated with something he had said or irritated bcuz it makes no sense whatsoever. And mum is forever telling me to just nod my head in agreement whether got sense or not. But how !?!?! I can't la !! It's as if somehow, somewhere in our conversation I have to find fault with him. There always has to be something I'm not ok with. I myself do not know when this started.. my 'rebellious nature' towards dad. Of course I didn't rebel in ways which were bad 'bad' bcuz I was afraid of him and am still very much so.

So anyway back to where I begun, I asked myself why, why did I always feel the need to 'purposely' go against dad? I don't know, think it's just human nature.. to do the things we are specifically told not to (guess who started it ;p). As my thoughts went deeper to dad and the 'thingy' we have btwn us...

REVELATION !!

Ultimately, the person I want to purposely 'hurt' the most is the very person I want to please the most. There's nothing, nothing in this world that would make me happier than to see dad smile. Smile bcuz he's happy and proud and pleased and satisfied that all his hardwork and sacrifices were not done in vain and that every single drop of sweat his body produced was worth it. Therefore, I have decided to be obedient and do whatever he asks of me even if it means sacrificing on my part.

--> This post is to remind myself that I had a REVELATION (hahahaha) and I promised to .....
just in case dad get's me all worked up again and obeying him seems so so so far beyond possible, which is probably next week or so ;p
And if all else fails, there's always the trusty ol' 5th commandment ;)

CG @ 25B Low Friar Street

Cg was held at my place today =)
Something about not having the keys to the chaplaincy, which is where cg is usually held. So off we marched, back home. For a second there, Hui Min and Alice aHem.. 'thought' I was staying IN the Gate ;p

Anyway, Houng Nai mentioned that the Lord never fails to provide *Jehovah Jireh* How true, how true.. Not only did He provide a place for us to have cg but He provided me with an opportunity to open my home. And it was such a blessing =)
Feel *blessed*blessed*blessed*

Ok, the topic for today was...

Depression =(

No la, it's actually a good thing cuz I got to share bout my experience with others (don't usually go telling peeps about it you know). So, everything was planned out nicely by the 'Big Boss' up there. And I'm glad we had a time of sharing cuz at least now I feel like I know some of them alittle better, and vice versa and.. that I belong somewhere; a part of God's huge huge family.
*Sigh* healing is a slow but sure process. And I've got ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD...

After a whole week of work, work and more work, having a noisy bunch over is ahh.. ever so refreshing =)

Where Are You, cheryL ?

I've had enough of my fatty face grace the front page of my blog. *so shy*
So, I've decided to write.
------------------------------

Felt like I've been 'missing' for the past 2 weeks. It's just crazy. Last week, it started out with me sleeping really late and all. And I remember mentioning that I didn't sleep for 2 days in a row. *sigh* Ok, no matter. But the thing is, my body and mind doesn't know when to sleep anymore. It's turned inside out and upside down.
At first it was just not getting enough sleep, but NOW ...

Now I get 8 hours of sleep, which is supposedly good.. if you're sleeping at the RIGHT time !!
Can't remember when, but I think it was during the weekend cy rang me for.. I don't remember what, and the first thing I said was, "What u doin' calling me at 4 in the morning".
She's like, "Eh girl, it's 4 in the evening..."
"HAH !!! Really ah !!" (yeah)
Then she started asking me whether I was ok and all.. I probably mumbled some stuff.. can't remember. All I knew was that I'd slept thru the morning and afternoon.

It began with me sleeping at about 5am and waking up say.. 10:30am. Ok la, I can handle sleeping for just 4/5 hrs. But then it became worst.. I started sleeping at 7am a few days ago. Today is the ultimate la, I freakin' slept at 11:30am !! (who the man? who the man? =p).
And all this time, I wake up somewhere btwn 3:45pm - 4:10pm.
First phone call from cy already I super shock. Then al rang me yesterday asking me where I was. Yes, surprise surprise.. I was still in bed. I was shocked, she was shocked, we both were shocked.
Time --> 3:55pm. (yes, and the amount of classes I've missed)

I've got 6 different alarm clocks (yes, 6), on my left and right, ranging from 9:30am - 11:00am and I do not hear one, not even one (and I tell you honestly that I'm a light sleeper, hence the shock). I keep checking whether my mobile and clocks are functioning cuz when my mobile rings, I wake up immediately, no matter what time of the day it is. Hhmmm.. wonder whether my body has conditioned itself to answer the mobile even when I'm asleep.

So, the thing is.. I hardly see the sun. Actually I have not, for the past week and it's depressing. I feel lost, like I'm here but not here. Oh yeah, and the stuff that I have to do ie pay bills, pay rent, buy groceries, post letters, and of course not forgetting school, I don't get to do them. One at a time yeah, but I would like to have them done by 2 days the most so I can concentrate on more important things, like studying.