Me & My Obsession With Weight

Ok, no worries, I'm not gonna ask you, "Eh, I fat anot?" or "Eh, I put on weight ah?".
Why? Cuz I SO KNOW I DID !!!!!!

Looooooookkkkk .........

Before ..........-->.....63days later !!!

That's it man !! I absolutely HATE this place !!! "YOU totally screwed up my metabolism rate" !!

pic courtesy of miss cy

Oh well, the fatty face pic of me (above) was actually taken with Chia Ying (now u can place a face to the mysterious cy), during her housemate's lil' b'day din.

Here's another one with all of us.

pic courtesy of miss cy

From top left clockwise:
fatty face Cheryl, ever giggly Luke, b'day boy Dipak (ooo.. yummy ice cream ;p) and last but definitely not least, "oh i'm so pretty" Chia Ying. Muahhaha ..

Enjoy

p/s: and don't any of you dare comfort me !! "Won't help". "Won't help". "la lal la la"....

Responsibilities.. Responsibilities... I HATE Responsibilities

No idea why I feel the pressure mounting on me, especially today. I've got so many things on my mind, it's killing me. Have not been sleeping very well this week. I mean, insomnia and all I can handle cuz I've gotten use to sleeping really late at night. But this week's been madness, I didn't sleep for two days, straight ! And the maximum sleep I get is 4-5 hrs/day.

People say insomnia's due to stress and etc, but always felt that it was just me cuz I usually feel no stress. Moreover, I have friends who suffer from it too, so it's quite normal la.
However, I can so admit that this time I KNOW it has to do with S.T.R.E.S.S.
My 'to do' list is piling up, over and above me !! I'm being squashed... Everyday I'm thinking of what I've got to do tomorrow. Just as I'm getting done with something, another 'thing' requires my attention. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not talking about studies and assignments and what not.
I'm gonna quote cy here cuz she described it so perfectly, M'sian style =)

"summore exams coming... sigh n so many other unimportant yet must-do kinda things to do".

Yea man !! Like you have so much to catch up on your studies but you also need to eat. And, there's no more food at home and all the Maggie Mees are gone (cuz that's what you eat when you can't be bothered to cook). Furthermore, it's not like cash's flowing your way, so ordering or 'ta pau-ing' every single day is not an option. And imagine the whole process of buying, cooking, eating and washing up... You just don't wanna go there man.

Bills, bills and more bills. And I, the last-minute-kinda-girl, keep putting them off until, yes, the last minute. And it breaks my heart, literally, to see my money ( my dad's, rather) waving goodbye to me.
And I'm not even going to mention bout their services here. It's one of those 'cheryl and uk jinxed story'.
I just want to go home, and curl up on my parents' 'lap'. Let them be the adults. Let them think about lunch and dinner when you are studying for exams. Let them pay the bills cuz that's what they do, not me. It's not my name written on those billS. Let them deal with the stupid mobile phone company who has been direct debiting your account, by accident !! Eventhough you've rang them like 3 times about it already !!

Okay, DEEP breathes cheryl, DEEP breathes.. And I'm stopping here.

Does this mean I'm growing up? As in becoming an adult? If it is, then I don't want to be one. I don't ! If you're thinking that I'm such a spoilt brat then go ahead, can't convince you otherwise.
I'm losing sleep, losing time, and I'm falling sick. I can so feel it.

But then right, the real purpose of this post was not to complain =p Wonder how I ended up forgetting. It was actually to tell you how bad the week was (checked), esp. today (hhmm.. checked) BUT to also tell you that looking thru my pics I took back in M'sia cheered me up a whole lot. And I'm going to share them with you. Now =p in case I forget.


--> i'm changing the time of this post so that it'll be in sequence ie comes before the pics that i'll be posting now <--

Happy Happy Pics =)



This was 2 days before I left. Had a little gathering for a few of my very close friends I hardly get to see. Look at the yummy, yummy steamboat ;)
Ian, this is what you missed la !! And Cecilia, if you're reading this, which steamboat better?? The one at Gideon Tan or DJ ah ;p




And here we all are, seated eating yummy food ;) Oh, with mummy at the right. *sigh* T'was a wonderful night. Next...




Hahah.. me, doing my nonsense, as usual, with Dennis ko ko, my couz =)
Oh btw, this is the next day. I think it was lantern festival. Ah.. yes yes, Yoong and her, "must celebrate wan.."
and her "Chel.. chel.. come, choose which one you want.. eh, look the gold fish so nice rite.. eh, the rabbit also.." =P aiya.. i miss you lerr Yoong.
Just an x-tra info, she was the one who started calling me chel. And only my very very good friends call me chel.. but then since i started using it on my blog n stuff.. everyone uses it too.. tho, they don't call me chel out loud =p
dnt know y, but 'chel' is something i cherish very much.. ahahh so weird. still, only jays n yoong calls me that. AIYAH !!!!!! i miss BOTH of you so so much.. wonder what happened to jaymee.




Muahahah.. this is the farrniestss one !! It actually took me awhile to figure out what we were doing. HAhaahah .. yea lerr, it was some happening 'thingy' Elliott was doing with his wrist. And how ALL of us were trying to do it ;P Hence, the pic with us looking like we're doing some dance sequence with our hands ;p hahahah..

Haaaihh.. I MISS ALL OF U BACK HOME ...

These pics really cheered me up.. So many wonderful memories..
And to all of you, in the pic or not, thanx for being such wonderful people. I'm so so blessed to have met you...
And all those from IPOH !! say...
Amen !!

=))) HAhaahh ..

Will see you guys soon.

Have a Blessed Christmas !!

On A Lighter Note

I've got a few people telling me that my blog's getting alil'.. depressing.
K la, tell you what happened last night which, made me consider once again whether staying alone is a good thing.
BEFORE you jump to any conclusions, this is so not a sad 'story'.

When I was done having my shower last night, I stepped out from the bathtub and... *pause*
K, I don't know what happened here but everything happened in a split second.
*resume* ... with one leg still in the tub and the other out of it, I slipped --> shin hit handle thingy attached to tub, REALLY hard --> hand reached out grabbing.. whatever there was to grab... *pause*
FYI, this is like the shower curtain, my robe and towel which were hanging on the door and my pyjamas, hanging on the railing.
*resume* ... then I was like, "Whoa, what was that?". And another second later, "Oowwwww !! My SHIN !! Ouch, ouch, ouch. Oh, thank God, thank God"... *pause*
By the time I actually steadied myself, I was looking at what my hands were holding onto. "??!!??!" --> 'my reaction' Didn't know how I grabbed onto so many things at one time. "Heh, how many hands do I have ah?"
*resume* ... "Eek, thank God I didn't pull down the shower curtain !! If not sure die one. Sure slip and fall and hit head on floor then unconscious. And then what if I wake up somewhere else 2 yrs later? Ok, what nonsense now cheryl, clearly too much Alias !!"... *pause*
Hhahaha, WHAT NONSENSE indeed !! --> Ooppss sorry, just wanted to laugh at my 'nonsensity' =D
*resume* ... ...........
*end*
Oh, ehhehe end ade =p

Anyway, as I was saying right at the beginning, this made me reconsider the 'staying alone' factor. Since I'm such a klutz, who's gonna come to my rescue if something REALLY does happen? But then I was thinking, again, that God wouldn't let anything so so serious happen to me without there being anyone around. Moreover, God already 'showed' me that He was watching over me when I slipped, didn't fall and didn't hit my head on the floor but instead 'had aHem, handS' to grab hold of everything around me.
So yeah, klutz argument --> refuted.

This morning, in the shower, again, I was soaping myself and saw my 'klutzy wounds', not just last nights' but the ones I've accumulated over the past few.. months, and I thought, yes thinking again, to myself whether I should show it off like how people do with their 'battle wound scars' =)))

Muahaha .. look, this bruise here (points at wrist), got it when I was trying to pull the banana out from it's stem (eh, the banana's here have super duper thick skin k...) and hit my hand against the edge of the cupboard.


~ A BIG BIG thank you to everyone who's been praying for me and those who've been by my side ~

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No Lord, I Don't Wanna Give You

We were learning about the life of Jesus at CG (cell group) last week, from His birth to His death. At one point, we discussed about the significance of the 3 gifts which the wise men brought to Jesus when He was born. Before we ended, M (one of the leaders) asked us to meditate on Matthew 6:21 and then write 3 things (not confined to objects) which we treasure or value the most.
The first thing that popped into my head was T. Yea... So, I started tearing (automatic re-action, pls don't ask me why), a little. I just sat there and stared out of the window while everyone was scribbling away. I don't know why I didn't write anything down, or maybe I didn't know what to write...
Anyway, M snapped me back to reality when he asked us to fold our paper and give it to HN (cg leader), assuring us that she wouldn't open it. He said it was symbolic in the sense that we were giving it to Jesus. Hence, I quickly wrote down what I treasure most, folded the paper and gave it to HN. However, I hesitated for a split second before handing my 'treasure' to her which, surprised me bcuz in that 'split second', these were my thoughts: -
Giving treasure to Jesus = surrendering.
Uh, surrendering T to Jesus ??
Dowan, dowan.
Surrendering T = bye bye T.
But I gave it to her anyway bcuz I didn't want ppl asking me, "Why?".

Frankly, I'm rather disappointed with myself. In my 'situation'.. my 'condition', I actually believed that I surrendered everything to God, that I let Him handle my problems bcuz I'm too tired. Ahh, but my actions proved otherwise.

2 slaps on the face: -
1. Jesus' love & death didn't even cross my mind ie my priorities ??
2. Cheryl, you're still holding on !! ie God so wants to help, but you're so not letting Him.

So how? So how?
Truth is, I DON'T KNOW HOW.

Read someone's blog last night. Made me understand, saw something very clearly. This person was describing how she prayed and asked Jesus to bless all the important things in her life. But in a year, He took them all away, one by one. A non-C+ would probably think it's madness that we still faithfully believe in this God of ours whom, we claim to love us unconditionally.
And, toHisglory is such a kind soul. She left a comment which was very encouraging altho I haven't got a clue to who she is.

The one thing that I was able to reconcile from both their experiences is that God took away the things which He gave them from the very beginning. The things that shaped them to be who they are today. Be it in the form of money, relationship, career, etc..
But I understand now.
I understand that He blessed me by allowing me to love and be loved by another bcuz He loves me. And I understand that the love of my life was taken away from me bcuz He was not THE love of my life.
Do you know what I mean ?

It is said that our God is a jealous God,
It is said that we shall have no other 'gods' before Him,
And it is said that we shall put Him first in everything.


"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also".

~ Matthew 6:21~

Qn: Where does my heart lie ?











Disclaimer --> many things are easier said than done...

Morning to You too, Lord

~ Isaiah 55:8-9 ~

Hell Kitchen

Hey, title sounds like one of those reality shows =)

Anyway, I cooked dinner for the first time since I got back. Which, by the way isn't why my kitchen is hell-like, hhmmm.. or maybe it is. No matter.
I've got curry splattered all over the hob, on my kettle, on the kitchen door !!! Muaahahah. Oh, and I spilled rice grains on the floor, kitchen counter, sink and cupboard while opening it and trying to scoop it out from the plastic thingy. And.. I cut myself while peeling potatoes, but that's just clumsy me *grins* But had a whole load of fun doing it =P

Oh, oh, just to be clear here --> cy, I'm not implying anything ya. Really meant what I said about you being my guest and all.

So, cy came over for din tonight and I had such a great time with our 'bonding' session. I'm so blessed to have her here ie in Newcastle. Even though we only see each other during weekends and sometimes not at all and we seldom speak on the phone, she makes sure that I'm still alive and kicking ;p

Hey cy,
thanx for coming over;
thanx for listening to all my rants;
thanx for putting up with my nonsense;
thanx for being my friend.

And,
thanx for sharing your life with me;
thanx for your laughter;
thanx for your silliness;
thanx for your concern;
thanx for your thoughtfulness.

And to you bioba, thank you for your friendship and introducing me to cy ;p

Last, but so so not least,
Lord, I just wanna shout out a BIG thank You for making our paths cross, for our friendship.
Amen, Amen, Amen...

p/s: cy, I'm sorry if I scared you with my weird antics =P *huggikins*

EeeKk.. have to clean kitchen tomorrow !!

8/11 - 14/11

This week is gonna be extremely difficult. It has been for the past three days. Cried quite a handful last night. The thought of me staying by myself crossed my mind, whether it was the right decision. But now that I am ok, and can think clearly, I am happy and am glad that I have a whole lot of privacy (only a person deprived of one for an entire year would understand ;p).

Anyway, thank God I have Angeliki just a flight of stairs away. I spoke to her today about the crying. I'm so thankful to have a friend like her, so nearby. If someone were to tell me before I came here that I would have a Cypriot for a best friend, my reaction would certainly be, "Huh? Cypriot, what's that?" Hhahaha.. Yeah.
We are worlds apart: different culture, different language, different styles, different ascent, different beliefs.
But...
We share one mind: same thoughts, same upbringing, same family background, same 'kind of' father ;p

We do get pissed at each other once in a while due to our differences. And then the next thing you know we are laughing about something only both of us find funny, due to our similarities.
I'm just so so thankful for her. Of course I'm also very very thankful for the other friends I have here. *winks* yes, yes cy, you included OF COURSEEE

Told Angeliki not to leave me alone on Friday. Cuz it's gonna be baddd.. I'm telling you. Hence, we're going for Japanese food (check £££ first). So while someone somewhere in the other end of the world is celebrating his 25th b'day, I'll be celebrating the success of my 'first' case (hahah yeah, I'm officially handling one with Angeliki right now), hopefully =)

Lord,
I just pray that You'll bring me through the week just fine. Help me to focus solely on You when I feel like my tears are at the verge of spilling over.
Amen.

And to you, who will be turning 25 soon..
Blessed Birthday and Have a Wonderful Time celebrating it k.

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Ready or Not ?

No, no !! I'm not. I actually thought I was but...
How naive of me. I wasn't for a year, so what made me think that I am now in just alittle over a month?
I'm so thankful cuz everytime I think that I'm ready to face my 'past' , God shows me otherwise, in various ways =)
Though unpleasant...

--> dreams <--
how we do not have control over them;
things that are hidden in our subconscious;
pushed aside cuz we don't want to think, period;
but creeps up on you in your dreams;
yes, those, those that we cannot control.

Imagine waking up in tears ~ shocked

--> paranoia <--
when you see or hear something related to your 'past';
how you cannot help but think of the worst;
and then.. fear, insecurity, paranoia starts rolling in, altogether.
of course cannot control la !!

Imagine seeing a pic and thinking, "Is she in HIS car?" ~ panic attack

--> constant reminders <--
memories.. some worth remembering, some not so;
not bcuz it was 'bad', but it just hurts;
familiar sites, sounds, stories and songs;
and friends, friends who doesn't seem to let you forget;
friends.. you start asking whether they understand the phrase, 'please don't mention...'

Imagine reading, "He wants me to pass you something." in an e-mail ~ eyes NOT waterproof

--> your past <--
and then, your 'past' itself;
the one you so want to forget;
the one you try so hard to let go;
but also...
the one you're so afraid of losing;
the one you wish you didn't 'mess' things up with;
the one you wish things could be simpler;
the one you so so wish could go back to square number 1.

Hence, I conclude with this: I am so not ready ~ oh, the pain, the pain